Dear SSJ Community,
While in college, I once used the etymology of the word “reconciliation” as a pick up line after a sermon on the topic. While this is embarrassing looking back on it and would probably never work anywhere else, this took place in a church in Cambridge, MA, right in between Harvard and MIT, so this was pretty standard for the local demographic. I explained to this guy I’d just met that reconciliation comes from the Latin cilia, meaningeyelash; in the most literalsense of the word, reconciliation means to be brought back together, eyelash to eyelash — in the Christian sense, with God.
A lot of people think this is what forgiveness is: You need to put what happenedin the past and restore the relationship, once again seeing eye to eye with the person who wronged you. But forgiveness is not a two-way street the way that reconciliation is. Most of the time, forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person; it’s an internal action within our hearts to choose to let go of the resentment we may hold toward someone else. This is incredibly freeing, and also incredibly difficult.
Our struggle comes from the idea that lettinggo of bitterness seems unfair,yet today’s Gospel shows how backwards that is. We want to be forgiven; we love the part of the parable where Jesus explains how God freely forgives even our gravest sins (debts). But forgiving other peoples’ sins against us? Yikes. Or every Mass before the Eucharist, we expect God to forgive our trespasses as we pray the Our Father, but “as we forgive those who trespass against us”? Not so easy.
But forgiveness isn’t excusing someone’s actions or forgiving them for their sake; it’s for our sake. Jesus tells us to forgive for our freedom, not our restriction. When we cling to bitterness, resentment can take up so much space in our hearts that there is little room left for anything else, includingGod’s love and mercy. Lettinggo of the pain that we hold sets us free and opens us up to receive the multitude of blessings that God wants to give us. All we have to do is let Him in!
So while my flirting methods a few years back may have been questionable, it was fortunately both the first and last time I discussed the difference between reconciliation and forgiveness as a pickup line — we’re getting married in just a few weeks! The biggest lesson I’ve learnt throughout these years is that forgiveness is so much more simple than any definition or etymology; it’s the decision to begin letting go and letting God into our wounds. This is how we can live our lives to the fullest:by emptying ourselves of hatred, openingup to love, and livingin the joy that comes from the Lord alone.
In Christ,
Scarlett Rose Sheldon
Director of Young AdultMinistry